Time is ticking, flicking, flying by...

I can't stand the loudness of this time clock ticking away my day...
Each second passes so loudly my mind is distracted. I want each
second to add up to a moment, a moment of value, a moment of
greatness.

Yet in the mundane tasks time seems to sneak by when all of a
sudden those little seconds have swallowed up my whole day.

I search for order, for time management, for organization. I begin
and check off lists. I prioritize and schedule in hopes that I will
have some clarity on this time abyss that I now live in.

Yet, whether the tasks are all done, or the to do's add up on top
of another day, no matter if I do it well or if I do it poorly...

Tomorrow comes nonetheless.

The death of a dream... the ultimate sadness

The death of a dream must be the ultimate sadness.

It is the very thing you prayed for, sought after, thought about,
and hoped for when you woke and when you layed down. It is
the thing that you believed in with every part of your being, with
every fiber that made you.. you. It is the thing that all the little
events were to lead up to.

And then, one day, you realize it's gone. It's not just gone, poof,
disappeared. It evaporated. Or rather, maybe it slowly leaked out.
One moment at a time. One unanswered prayer at a time. One
battle lost after another. The sound of the pain and disappoint suddenly
began to drown out the hope of the dream. And suddenly life became cold
and dark.

Certainly there would still be moments of optimism that would rally
within your soul. But it was not enough to resurrect what had been
decaying all along.

On days that I saw the grey clouds filled with rain, I would smile knowing
that the sunshine was sure to follow. But in all that sunny optimism I failed
to acknowledge the tears that had fallen from the sky, that continued to wash
away hope. I guess it was just easier to look at the sunshine.

An unexpected messenger

I apologize for my very long time away.
You must understand something about my nature though,
when I am struggling most in life, with a situation or circumstance
I get very, very quite. I get very, very busy. And very, very vague.

When I am in the very thickness of life, I am often unable to reach out,
explain, or pour out. I am merely muddling through the thing that I'm
trying to deal with or figure out.

So now, you see, I have been away for a reason. It's not because I have
been too busy. It's because I have intentionally created busyness to
drown out the noise of my own confusion.

My heart is wrestling with life. It is aching. My soul is burdened.

My God has not been silent in all of this though. I have just chosen
to be stand-off-ish from him. I knew he'd have something to say,
I was just afraid of what it would be. Ever feel like that? Afraid to pray or
seek because you won't like the answer that you get? I know it's
wrong. But where I was at none the less.

Now, my unexpected messenger...

As I was visiting an angel this evening, we sat beneath the stars.
The breeze whispered a gentle hello to the clear night.
The heat and stress of the day was being cooled by the
still waters that encompassed my feet.

We sat discussing Psalm 23 and all of the treasure within it.
We reflected on happiness, serving, love, and finding who we
were created to be.

My messenger wasn't aware of the secret chambers in my heart
that had been locked away for so long. But God slipped the messenger
a key. As words of truth were gently spoken, my heart began to
be set free. New revelation and a remembering of promises HE
put in motion long ago.

I am on a new journey now. To hear the call of my heart.

I long to sit in green pastures, beside still waters.
I long to hear the gentle whispers of my Jesus.
I long to feel his loving touch.

Pray for me that I hear all that He has to say to me...

A journey... not a race...

I am so glad that Life is a journey rather than a race.

A race has a definite distance with a markable finish line.

A journey is a continuing process of becoming/growing/failing forward/milestones of victory I love that it is all about process. Yes, sometimes I resent the process. Well, I resent the pain part. You know, the inconvenient stretch me out of my comfort zone stuff. But then I get glimpses of perspective that remind me that I am a work in progress and all this is necessary. I certainly don't want to go back to who I was 10 years ago. So I suppose that in 10 years from now I will look back at this part of my life and see why I was here, the parts of my life that weren't useful were pruned away, and the parts that were worth keeping were allowed space to grow and flourish.


"For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do" Ephesians 2:10


1"I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. 2He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes[a] so that it will be even more fruitful. 3You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. 4Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.
5"I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. 6If anyone does not remain in me, he is like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. 7If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you. 8This is to my Father's glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples." John 15

Scattered NOT centered

I feel so frustrated when I am not centering every part of my life in Christ. I feel scattered. It's like nothing goes smoothly. I work and work only to accomplish very little. Yet when I am centered, no matter how much is on my plate, it all seems to fall into place.

Our pastor challenged us a few weeks back to make God 1st in ALL things/in Everything.
Is He first in my:
1. Time
2. Talent
3. Treasure

Lord, help me to devote each day that you give me completely to you that it may count for something. Amen.

My day today...

I am getting ready for my mom and stepdad to come visit us. So... the spring cleaning begins...

A little summary of my day:
1. cleaning up cat pee in the bathroom
2. cleaning up kid barf in the hall
3. cleaning up dog hair EVERYWHERE

Ahhhhhh! The wonders of spring.
I need a long winter's nap....

Broken Eggs

Our church had a SPRING CARNIVAL. They dropped something like 30,000 eggs from a helicopter for the kids to gather. It was a totally cool outreach and tons of people from the area showed up.

After the kids had picked through the eggs, seeking the prize of the egg and the sweetness inside the hunt was over. I had my kids wait until the crowd was done and then let them onto the field to get their eggs.

They came to me with saddened faces, "mom, all that's left are broken pieces". The good eggs were chosen. The candy and sweet treats were gathered. But no one wanted the broken pieces.

It was in that moment that I saw a picture of how God sees us. The world likes the pretty eggs. The things useful and pleasing to the eye. But Jesus came to collect the broken ones. The broken ones like me. That's just what Easter is about. Jesus coming to heal a world of broken people (because of sin) and taking on their punishment for them (death). But it didn't stop there.

It would be poetic just thinking about how God gathers those that are broken. How he wants them. How he chooses them over all the others. But the wonder of it all is that He doesn't leave us broken. He heals our hurts. Seals our cracks. Restores what has been crushed. But he doesn't fix the old egg. He makes us brand new!

My redeemer died for me. But He rose for me so that I may be risen with Him!

He has risen, He has risen indeed.

Happy early Easter= Ressurection Day!!!